


darkness is your candle

by SteveTrevorsStarship



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Ajan Kloss, Character Study, Co-Generals, Fluff and Angst, I cried so hard writing this, M/M, Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, kinda not really but it made me cry so
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-06
Updated: 2020-01-06
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:34:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22146490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SteveTrevorsStarship/pseuds/SteveTrevorsStarship
Summary: When Finn met Poe, he swears that the man’s eyes sparkled . No other facial expression needed. Just pure expressiveness, completely open. And after living his whole life around people who wear a cold mask all the time, with or without the helmet–It was almost too much.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Finn
Comments: 6
Kudos: 102





	darkness is your candle

**Author's Note:**

> I have been writing this since 4 AM and I am absolutely proud of this. Knock me if you can. Find me on tumblr @ thischeesenugget and reddit @ JumpedUpLittleShit because I am one.

Finn never stopped to think that while he may have had a childhood, he never really had a _childhood._ He never knew that being young meant making mistakes while doing stupid (but fun) things. He never knew that being young meant being allowed to throw temper tantrums and whine about vegetables. He never knew there was supposed to people that protect you when you’re a child, people that will look down at you and their eyes will crinkle when they say “I love you,” and later on, when they’re staring as their child flies or bikes or drives on their own for the first time, “I’m proud of you.” 

Here’s what he _does_ know:

The cold and regimented lifestyle of a stormtrooper. The startling inhuman feeling when you put a mask on, like it removes your identity. The stolen old holos that would only last a week or two in each barrack but were usually the only reprieve the children got. The endless desire to help Slips and others, to keep them _alive_. The caring that they never managed to breed out of him in reconditioning. The disgusted looks he gets from Slips and Zeroes and Nines. The knowledge that while he may not know what a home is, he knows for certain the First Order isn’t one. 

And when he met Poe Dameron for the first time– 

Well. 

There’s something about eyes. Karé Kun said they’re the window to a soul, that eyes are how you determine a good person from a bad one (Of course, Snap had quirked his eyebrow and laughed at his wife.) Finn has never been overtly superstitious, so he thinks it’s rather the fact that eyes have so much to do with the rest of the face. He thinks it’s because when people smile, their cheeks upturn their eyes. When people’s brow furrow, their eyes go all squinty and concerned. When their noses upturn, when they frown, when they smirk mischievously, when they laugh– all of it is some facial structure doing something to the eyes. 

But when Finn met Poe, he swears that the man’s eyes _sparkled_. No other facial expression needed. Just pure expressiveness, completely open. And after living his whole life around people who wear a cold mask all the time, with or without the helmet–

That– 

_That_ – 

It was almost too much.

. . .

The first time Finn met Black Squadron, he swore that Suralinda had been laughing at him the entire time. Jess had smirked and played along with her, too, which confused Finn even more because _don’t they hate each other or something?_

“Did you know that I’m a journalist?” Suralinda asked Finn, her sharp canines spread into a wicked grin. Next to her, Jess groaned in exasperation and muttered something. 

Finn was slightly terrified and when he said, “Um, no?” it sounded very dubious. Snap snorted. 

“Well, I am. Anyways, there was this one piece about a stupidly loyal Anoobas that waited for his owner at a train station–” 

“Nope,” Poe said, already taking Finn’s hand to steer him away from his squadron. 

“ – and when Poe looks at you, that’s the face I see!”

Finn stopped in his tracks. 

Complete silence. 

Poe was still holding his hand, standing ahead of him with his head down, hiding those eyes of his. 

Finn smiled. 

“So, what, you look like a dog?” 

Everyone laughed. Finn squeezed Poe’s hand, a brief gesture that asked _are you okay?_

His hand squeezed back and Finn heard, _I’m fine_. 

. . .

Here’s the thing. 

Finn may have spent his entire life on a First Order base, but he knows what love is. He knows that the way he gets around Poe– with his stomach flipping and his smile hurting– is love. He knows. 

He just– 

He doesn’t know if it’s reciprocated. And he’s never been especially brave when it comes to… _anything_ , really. So even when he sees Poe looking at him like he’s hung the moons and stars, when Suralinda makes that stupid comment, when Poe seeks his hand out, Finn assumes it’s as friends. 

After all, who could love a stormtrooper? 

. . . 

When DT-533 arrived on base, there was a lot of commotion about what to do with her. They were fresh off the Battle of Exegol and usually, a crashed TIE fighter in the jungle of Ajan Kloss isn’t a good thing. But then Rey had raised her hand to signal a stop to the blaster fire and moved towards the fighter, using her saber to open it. 

A girl stumbled out, clutching her chest like it was hard to breathe and in absolute hysteria. Her skin was dark and so was her First Order Pilot’s uniform. When she finally collapsed, Rey caught her. 

She looked up at Finn and Poe. 

“What do we do with her?” 

They had sent her to medical and Kalonia fixed her up, saying all the girl had needed was a bit of rest and some Oxygen after breathing in the fumes of her crashed ship. 3 hours later, Jannah entered her room as a peace offering and to get the girl to calm down. Half an hour after that, Jannah walked out and gestured for Finn and Poe to talk to her. 

“She’s calm, just tense. She’s had a rough go of it. Wouldn’t tell me much, only insisted on seeing you, General Dameron.” Poe nodded to her appreciatively and exchanged a meaningful glance with Finn. 

They entered the room and stood in front of her bed. Not at attention, but not completely at ease either. They didn’t know this girl yet. Why she’s there, why she defected. She could have been a spy or worse. 

The girl looked up. “You recruited Kazuda Xiono,” she said to Poe. Her voice was scratchy but somehow strong and Poe looked like he was caught off guard. 

After a moment, he said, “Yes,” though the hesitation was clear in his voice. “What’s your designation?”

“DT-533. But my _name_ is Tamara Ryvora. I was on the _Colossus_ before the Resistance lost contact with Kaz.” 

“How do you– ?” Poe started.

“I’m the one that ratted him out. He never told me, but he was kind of a shitty spy. I connected the dots.” She was quiet for a moment. “He was a good kid, though.” 

After another long second of silence, Poe asked, “Do you know why I recruited Kaz?” 

“No.”

“His father was rich and from Hosnian Prime. He’d spent his entire life being coddled in the New Republic Navy. He was cocky and had ridiculous illusions of grandeur, but he was a fast learner and had a good heart.” 

Finn spoke up for the first time, saying, “So in other words, he reminded you of yourself?” He said it with a teasing grin but he meant it. Poe had made his mistakes and he’s no Leia, but he’s got a good heart. And that’s why Finn loves him, he thinks. Why Finn will always love him. 

“Yeah, actually,” Poe responded, returning the grin. He turned back to Tamara. “He was a lot like me. And the thing about me is I don’t make mistakes when it comes to the people I trust. So if Kazuda Xiono trusted you enough for you to be his friend, then that means you’ve got a good heart, too. You just made some mistakes about the people _you_ trusted.” 

Tamara blinked up at him. Later, she will confess that she was holding back tears, that she missed her friends and her home. 

But then, she swallowed her sob and said, “He died saving my life. I never meant to– I was just trying to protect the people I loved. I felt betrayed and he was supposed to be there for _us_ , for the Fireball, for Yeager, I just–” 

“I know, Tamara,” Poe said, smiling down at her sadly. “I know.” 

“Tam,” she corrected, looking up at him, her gaze fierce. “My name is Tam.” 

Later, she will confess to Finn– 

_They made me feel worthless. Sat there and told me lies, that my friends betrayed me because they didn’t care about me. But I’m not. My name is Tam and I am not a faceless person with a mask, I am human and so are you, General. So are you._

. . .

Finn is useless when it comes to expressing his feelings and he figures he always will be. 

When he tells Poe this, his friend merely smiles. “That’s okay, buddy, it’s what you’ve got me for.” 

“Poe, you don’t understand what I’m trying to say here.” 

“I really don’t, but I also don’t think it’s the time for it.”

Not now, with blasters in their hands and Stormtroopers dead on the ground of Ajan Kloss. Not now, when they’re probably about to die– 

(If not now, then when?) 

“I love you,” the words burst out of Finn’s mouth before he can stop them. All he’s thinking about is the sparkle in Poe’s eyes and the way he just _fits_ with Finn in the most perfect way and how that might be gone soon and he can’t even bear to think about that. 

Poe stops for a second then ducks behind a crate full of communication supplies. He grabs Finn’s hand and drags him down. 

“First things first, we’re not going to die. And second, I love you too, now let’s go blast the shit out of some more stormtroopers, okay?” And those eyes, those eyes– 

Finn blinks, momentarily stunned, and says, “Oh.” 

In their ears, they hear Pava shout through the comms, “Would you two shut up? This is an open line!” 

Finn’s face goes red. “Shit, I forgot to turn it off.” 

In the middle of a warzone, Poe Dameron laughs.

They’re the last to evacuate. No lives are lost that day. 

. . .

They get out with their lives, but some didn’t. On Exegol, D’Qar, Crait. 

Snap, Leia, Kaz. 

So that’s how Finn decides to live his life. A bit reckless but cautious, wearing his heart on his sleeve, like Poe. Wonderfully human, like Tam. And always learning from his mistakes, like both of them. Like a human being.

And _that_ is how the Resistance gets its Co-general. 


End file.
